


Out of Context

by Pseudthisyafucks (collettephinz)



Series: The Long Distance Problem [4]
Category: Holy Trinity (YouTube RPF), Youtube - RPF
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Relationship Strain, WSJ Fiasco, and jack's not-so-well-done video response, basically jack knows he fucked up and now he's gotta fix it, i'm so grateful he made a follow up post, it was just really sad, it's short but i needed to write something for this, mark's fucking BA tho jesus christ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 12:16:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9896081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collettephinz/pseuds/Pseudthisyafucks
Summary: This whole thing was just a clusterfuck of problems and landmines that Jack was trying so hard to avoid. But while trying to not get himself in any sort of trouble, he only made more trouble for himself in the face of hurting the person he cared about the most.





	

**Author's Note:**

> jaaaaaaacckkk this is why we write scripts before public speaking about sensitive topics

Jack knew Felix had seen it. 

He just… He knew.

He knew because Felix hadn’t spoken to him in two days. He knew he had fucked up, he’d been painfully aware of how easily he could’ve fucked up, and this? This was the worst case scenario he’d been trying to avoid. 

Jack hadn’t meant for his video to sound the way it had. He hadn’t meant to sound like he was attacking Felix. Why the fuck would he ever attack Felix? The Swede was his fucking boyfriend, he wasn’t about to turn on the person he loved just because he was scared of political backlash. But still, he’d taken a cowardly response. He’d focused on the wrong things. He hadn’t seen the heart of the matter because he didn’t want to sound like he was repeating everyone else, and that had only hurt him and his intended message in the end. 

The thing was, he legitimately didn’t find those kinds of jokes funny. He didn’t like race war stuff, or death jokes, and dark humor. He didn’t find the mockery of pain funny and he didn’t like genocide being made into a comedy sketch. It made him uncomfortable. It made him sad. It made him remember everything else that was wrong with the world and modern society and it made him feel like there wasn’t a lot of hope left if people took delight in the death of others. Jack felt like he shouldn’t have even had to say that the holocaust wasn’t something to be joked about. And yet there he’d been, saying it was wrong.

_“Felix shouldn’t say things that can be taken out of context.”_

That was what Jack had said. Or something close. He couldn’t exactly remember, and he was too ashamed to rewatch his own video. He hadn’t meant it to sound like he was saying Felix didn’t have the right to free speech. He hadn’t meant to sound like he felt like Felix was actually and legitimately in the wrong. And he hadn’t meant to make it sound like he was completely overlooking the horrible abuse Wall Street Journal was putting Felix through.

He’d later added that he felt like, as Felix’s friend, he was able to take a much more critical standing on this whole fiasco, but that hadn’t been enough. Other YouTubers made fucking videos about Jack stabbing Felix in the back, and it hurt. Jack had just been trying to encourage people to stop making these kinds of awful jokes, he hadn’t meant for it to sound like he was putting Felix down and blaming him for all of the stuff that was happening to him. 

He hadn’t meant to sound like he did.

But regardless of what he’d meant to do (much like Felix had done with his own “controversial” video), Jack now had to deal with the consequences of his mistakes. And that came in the form of hurting his boyfriend to the point where Felix apparently couldn’t even stomach talking to him. 

“I should’ve done something more like you did,” Jack sighed while on Skype with Mark, a few minutes before Wade and Bob were supposed to show up so they could record some awesome submarine video game together. “I don’t know. Even while you weren’t explicitly defending Felix, you definitely gave the vibe that you wouldn’t stand for how people were treating him. And, like, you also didn’t sound like you agreed with the joke, you just… You took a stand as his friend. It’s what I should’ve done.”

 _“I honestly just said what I was feeling,”_ Mark admitted. He’d been listening to Jack work through his thoughts for the past thirty minutes. It had to be pretty boring, but Jack didn’t have Felix to talk to, and Mark was the only person who knew that Felix and Jack were dating that Jack knew well enough to spill his guts too. Jack sometimes thought about telling Bob. Especially in moments like these. Because Mark was Felix’s friend too and it was hard to get any sort of sympathy when both Jack and Felix were hurting for opposing reasons. 

_“Jack, look,”_ Mark said, wearing that patient, almost motherly look. _“I know you felt strongly about what you were saying, and I know you had your own reasons. But right now, the last thing Felix needs is another person shoving his face into what he did wrong. There are plenty of people doing that right now without you contributing. What he needs right now is to know he’s not alone. Even if you don’t necessarily agree with him, he needs to know you’ll stand with him anyways. That’s what loyalty is. What love is.”_

“You’re really not helping me feel any better,” Jack groaned.

 _“I… honestly don’t think you necessarily deserve to feel better in this situation.”_ Mark looked a little guilty, but not guilty enough to take it back. _“Sorry, Jack. I think you just went a little too far. The whole freedom of speech thing goes both ways— even in Felix’s favor. And in the face of that, he has to listen to people telling him to kill himself.”_

Jack saw Wade’s Skype light shine green. He invited Wade to the video messaging just so Mark would be forced to stop talking about this. It was obvious, and Mark looked a little disappointed into Jack’s direction, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to stop feeling like a shitty person. And he wanted Felix to start talking to him. As a last minute decision, he put in his tag name as “Spedicey” just because he felt like he had to reach out somehow. Mark commented. Jack just affirmed it. He’d bared his heart to Mark enough. 

When they were done, he went to upload his own recordings from the other day, then faltered when he saw Felix had posted a video. Thank god, too. It was looking like videos would be the only time he’d hear from his boyfriend anymore. 

Felix didn’t look bad, though, which stung in a way Jack didn’t understand. He should’ve been happy Felix was doing well despite all of that stress. He shouldn’t be spiteful. Then Felix said another fucking Jacksepticeye reference, and okay. That was more than a little relieving to hear, but equal parts confusing. At least that meant Felix was able to think about him without getting upset. It made Jack think he should reach out again. Maybe Felix wouldn’t ignore him. 

Jack looked to his phone and realized he hadn’t reached out to Felix since the fallout of Jack’s video.

Shit.

Maybe Felix wasn’t ignoring Jack. Maybe Felix thought Jack was ignoring him. 

He started uploading his content for the day as rushed as possible before calling Felix. As the dial tone rang, he looked to the clock on his computer and saw it was nearly eight at night. Felix might be busy. Or he might be avoiding his phone entirely. A string of worries went through his mind and only three rings in, the call was disconnected. He received a text not a second later.

_‘i’m busy’_

Fuck, Jack had figured that, he knew that, but he also needed Felix to know that he wasn’t ignoring Felix and that he wasn’t turning his back on him or anything. The video had been a horrible mistake. He’d left out too much and focused on the wrong things and he’d hurt Felix, he had so obviously hurt his boyfriend. He needed to apologize. He needed to fix this.

_‘how long till ur not busy?’_

_‘i don’t know’_

God, this was painful. Three lines in and Jack felt awkwardly out of place. Felix didn’t want to talk to him. Jack honestly couldn’t blame him, but he couldn't really give up, either. So he called again. 

Felix picked up this time.

_“What do you want, Jack?”_

“To tell you I’m sorry and that I miss you and that I shouldn’t have said those things and I should’ve just not said anything at all and that I’m a fucking idiot and I really, really want you to talk to me and say you love me and stuff and not hate me for being an idiot and that I’m sorry and I need you to come back and I need you to understand that I hate these assholes for how they’re treating you and I didn’t mean to stab you in the back and that I need you to just—” Jack finally let himself breathe. “I need you. That’s all of it. I need you. I fucked up and I’m sorry. No matter what I think, nothing’s more important than you. Nothing’s more important than my significant other and I lost sight of that and I’m sorry.” Jack paused. “I’m sorry.”

Felix was quiet for a long moment. Jack could hear him breathing. 

_“I’m sorry too,”_ Felix finally said. _“I’m gonna… I think I need some time.”_

Jack’s stomach dropped. “What?”

 _“I need some time,”_ Felix repeated. _“Another day or two.”_

“Felix, you can’t—”

 _“All the apologies in the world can’t make up for the fact that in the moment when I really just needed someone to be my friend, you instead told me why I deserved what these assholes are doing,”_ Felix interrupted with a sigh. _“I wasn’t the only one to see it that way, either. A lot of other people think that you’re blatantly against me. And I… I think you’re not? I’m actually not sure.”_ Felix laughed brokenly and Jack wished he could hang up. _“God, Jack, I don’t even know if you actually care about this shit beyond saying that the joke I made was wrong. I’m pretty sure you think I deserve this. Which, fine, maybe I do. But it kinda hurts to have your boyfriend saying that shit.”_

“I’m so sorry, Felix,” Jack choked out. 

_“I know you’re sorry,”_ Felix replied. _“But that doesn’t fix this. Just give me a few days, Jack. I’ll be fine in a few days.”_

“I love you.” Jack didn’t know what else to say. He was terrified Felix wouldn’t ever talk to him again. This felt like a breakup. That was exactly what it seemed like. Jack couldn’t think of anything to say to change Felix’s mind save the truth— he loved him. 

Felix sighed again, long and loud. Then, _“I love you too.”_

Oh thank fuck.

“Let me fix this,” Jack said. “Let me make it up to you.”

_“You really don’t have to—”_

“I’m fucking going to,” Jack interrupted. He went online at the same time, looking up a place that could send flowers. Then he found one that sent flowers made of bacon and knew what he had to do. He placed his order on autopilot, still talking to Felix. “I was supposed to stand by you when you needed it the most, like a good fucking boyfriend, and I failed to. I’ve got to fix this. Even if you don’t hold it against me, Mark definitely will.”

_“Mark kinda scared me a little in that video.”_

Jack found himself smiling despite the pure stress twisting in his chest. He was getting desperate here. He needed Felix to rethink taking a break and the best he had was bacon flowers. “If you ever needed to know who would punch some asshole in a dark alleyway for you, Mark definitely answered that for ya.”

 _“He’s a good friend.”_ Felix’s voice was soft. Almost sad. _“… I’m sorry for dragging all of you into this shit by association, or whatever. None of you should've had to say anything about this. It was my own fault. All of you… you didn’t have to be part of this.”_

“We became part of it because we care about ye’,” Jack said. “I just… I was the one who fucked up. The last person who should’ve fucked up, and it was me.”

_“To be honest, I’m too tired to care anymore.”_

Jack stopped his frantic searching for more online romantic gestures when he heard the hollowness in Felix’s tone. It worried him. “It’s just a bunch of shitty assholes calling themselves journalists, Fe’. It’s not real news. They’re just attacking you.” They really were. Wall Street Assholes had been after Felix for a while. “Don’t let it get to you, Fe’, c’mon.”

_“I’m fine, Jack.”_

Felix saw right through him, apparently. It felt weak. Like Jack was just scrambling to keep Felix from leaving him. He wondered if Felix actually believed him when he said he was sorry, or if Felix just thought Jack didn’t want to deal with any more drama. Just wanted Felix to shut up. Jack couldn’t stop thinking about all the angles now. He was terrified of losing this, terrified of losing his best friend. He needed Felix. He’d said it before, and would say it a million more times if he had to. He needed Felix. But he couldn’t leave Ireland right now, which was what he really needed to do. So instead, he said “stay up with me. On the phone. I’ll talk to ye’ for the whole fucking night.” He couldn’t think of anything better. “I’ve missed ye’ so much, Fe’. Just let me talk to you, okay?”

He could practically hear Felix thinking. 

_“… I don’t want to take up your time.”_

“God, Fe’, you could never do that,” Jack promised. “You’re all I want, okay? Talking to you is the best part of my day and my days have been severely lacking without you. Just let me do this, okay? You’ve always slept best when I’ve been able to talk you to fuckin’ death.” And he could only imagine how little sleep Felix had been getting. The poor man didn’t sleep well when he was stressed, scared, and too tired. “Let me do this, Fe’. Step one of fixing my fuck up. Where are you?”

 _“In bed,”_ Felix mumbled. _“I, uh, I lied about being busy.”_

“Eight’s kinda early for ye’…”

_“I, uhm. I just…”_

Jack nodded. “It’s okay, Fe’. I get it.” Again, it was the stress. If it felt like it was too much, Felix would just lie in bed for as long as possible. Like he felt like denying anything bad was happening would make the bad things just stop. “Just stay in bed and let me talk, okay? It’s what I do best.”

 _“You should tell me a stupid story,”_ Felix suggested. There was the rustling of sheets. Jack hoped that meant Felix was getting comfortable. _“Something about, like… Fuck, uhm. I’m not creative.”_

“You’re plenty creative,” Jack soothed. “Now let me tell you a story about… the ugly barnacle.”

Felix snorted a laugh, a legitimate, non-tortured laugh. Jack knew he was being given a chance to fix things. And he wasn’t going to take it lightly.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not trying to say jack's side on this whole thing is wrong.
> 
> i'm just saying that he felt the need to go back and make a tumblr post to better explain his video for a reason.
> 
> (which is right here if you haven't read it)  
> http://therealjacksepticeye.tumblr.com/post/157418913013/a-follow-up


End file.
